· I hate school Jenny:(is crying and says to teacher)I hate school, and I have to stay here until I''m sixteen.Teacher: I know how you feel -- and I have to stay here until I''m sixty-five.……
· Subject: Santa, Myth or Reality? ---For my upcoming paper on Quantum Analysis of Mythological Characters. The calculation presented to convert Santa into nothing but a puff of smoke is wrong because it''s based on Classical Physics.If we apply Relativity and Quantum Physics, things get better. If Santa travels close to the speed of light, he and his reindeers enjoy different coordinates of time, space, and weight than what we earthlings are within. For……
· . . . Every morning is the dawn of a new error. . . Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. COFFEE.EXE Missing-- Insert Cut and Press Any Key C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN <---------The information went dataway------<<<--- BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding BUFFERS=20 FILES=a5 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! Access Denied--nah nah nah nah nah! C:\Bad command or file name! Go stand in th……
· three girls Once there was 3 girls. A blonde, red head and a burrnet. They were swimming from one island to another which is about 10 miles. Then they slept there for 10 nights. Then the red head got tried of the burrnet and the blonde, and she left. The next day the burrnet left and then the blonde got lonely the very same day and then she swam 9 miles with only 1 mile to go and then her legs hurt and so she turned around……
· "Can I draw you a beer, Norm?" "No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.""How about a beer, Norm?" "Hey I''m high on life, Coach.... Of course, beer is my life.""How''s a beer sound, Norm?" "I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.""What''s up, Norm?" "Corners of my mouth, Coach.""What''s shaking, Norm?" "……
· They say the only reason Texas doesn''t fall into the Gulf of Mexico is because Oklahoma sucks. The dumbest man in Oklahoma moved to Texas, raising the average IQ of both states. ghasting@halcyon.com Greg HastingsAwhile ago, when Texans began to invade Rocky Mountain ski resorts, a popular bumper sticker read: "If God Had Meant For Texans To Ski, He Would Have Made Bullshit White".Around Guthrie Oklahoma, they tell the story of the visitor fr……
· A painting cotractor was speaking to a woman about a job. She sad she wanted the first room a pale blue. He wrote it down, went to the window opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP." They walked into the second room and she said she wanted it a soft yellow color. He wrote that down, went to the window opened it and yelled, "GREEN SIDE UP." The woman was curious but didn''t say anything. They walked into the third room and she said she ……
· You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, and all your tests indicate that the only way it would have any effect at all on an enemy plane is if you could somehow sneak into the cockpit and whack the pilot over the head with it. How should you deal with this problem?YOU SHOULD:1.Try really hard to do a better jo……
· Improvement One student to another:"How are your English lessons coming along?" "Fine, I used to be the one who couldn''t understand the English men, and now it''s the English men who can''t understand me."……
· A farmer and his wife decide to sell their land so they can move to Florida and retire. A prospective buyer comes by and likes the place, but there''s only one problem: He''s deathly afraid of bees and, on a tour of the property, he noticed a lot of them. The farmer says, "There''s always been bees around here, but in the 30 years I''ve owned the farm, I''ve never been stung once. I''ll tell you what. &……
· 10 Signs your at a bad zoo 10.When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are giving you the finger. 9.The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.8.The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.7.The Zoo keeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.6.The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.5.The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the……
· A mother bought her son a $100 Halloween costume to scare his friends. "Should I take the price tag off?" the boy asked. "Leave it on." his mother replied. "We''ll scare your father too."……
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